If you're raising a non-speaking or minimally speaking autistic child, you've probably been handed a list of strategies and a schedule of therapy sessions. Then you came home to a day that was already full.

You don't need more time for this. The communication opportunities your child needs are already inside your day. They're at breakfast, in the car, at bath time and at bedtime. This post shows you how to find them and what to do in each one.

I'm Dr. Catherine C. Acotto, PhD, CCC-SLP. I've spent my career with non-speaking and minimally speaking autistic children and their families, and this is one of the most practical things I teach parents in the Silence to Signals course.

Why do everyday routines matter more than practice sessions?

I've seen this happen many times. A family learns good communication practices in a clinic, and the practices stay in the clinic. They come out during scheduled sessions and disappear during the other 22 hours of the day.

Your child learns from repetition, and from moments that mean something to them. They need to see communication shown to them dozens of times a day, at the moments they actually want something. Everyday life gives you both, so it's one of the best places your child can learn to communicate.

Which words should I start with?

Start with core words. These are the small set of words people use most, across almost every situation:

more, help, stop, go, want, all done, not, like, that, big, fun, wow, look, again, my turn

Most of them aren't the names of things. They're action words, describing words and social words.

Many picture boards start with nouns: foods, toys, favorite things. A board built only on nouns lets a child name things and do very little else. Your child can point to "juice," but not to "more juice" or "no juice." When "want," "more," "not" and "help" sit alongside the things your child loves, their board stops being a list of labels and starts working as communication. Start with core words, then add the names of things on top.

What do I do in the moment?

Every opportunity uses the same short sequence:

1. Notice your child's signal. A look, a reach, a sound, a push.
2. Touch the symbol and say the word. "More."
3. Meet the need right away. Pour the juice. Push the swing.
4. Pause for five to ten seconds and watch. This is the Signal Pause™. It gives your child time to connect the word with what just happened.

You receive the signal, meet the need and show the word, all together. Your child never has to earn the juice by producing the word.

Two numbers help:

• Five to one. Show a word at least five times for every one time you ask your child to use it.
• Thirty or more a day. Spread your models across your routines instead of packing them into one session.

What can each daily routine look like?

Bath time and bedtime are often the calmest parts of the day, which makes them good times to learn. Transitions are hard for many of our children, and these words give your child a way to show you how they're doing before things build.

How do I offer a choice?

One of the easiest ways to build communication into your day is to offer a choice. Hold up two things your child knows, one in each hand, and name each one as you show it:

• Breakfast: "Cheerios or Cocoa Krispies?"
• Getting dressed: "Red shirt or blue shirt?"
• Snack: "Apple or crackers?"
• Play: "Bubbles or blocks?"
• Bath: "The duck or the boat?"
• Bedtime: "This book or that one?"
• The car: "This song or that song?"

Then wait and watch. Your child might look at one, lean toward it or touch it. Whatever your child picks is the answer. Touch "want," say "want Cheerios," and hand it over. If your child pushes both away, that's a signal too. Touch "not," say "not that," and try again a little later.

In the course, I put it this way: predictable in structure, flexible in detail. The routine stays the same, snack, then play, then bath, then story, and your child gets a say in the details. Even two simple choices give your child some control inside a predictable day, and that lowers the pressure that builds into hard moments.

What is a communication temptation?

Some moments come on their own. Others you can set up. In the course, I call this a communication temptation: a small change to the setting that gives your child a real reason to communicate, with no pressure to perform.

Five you can try this week:

• Put something your child wants where they can see it but not reach it, and wait.
• Give a small portion of a favorite food, and pause before offering more.
• Put a toy inside a container they can't open on their own.
• Start a familiar, favorite routine, and pause just before the next step they expect.
• "Forget" something they need, like the spoon at breakfast, and wait.

Being a little goofy or silly when your child notices can help.

Two rules keep it safe. First, use a temptation only after you've shown that word at least five times with no expectation attached. Second, when your child signals, in any form, respond right away. Show the word and meet the need. Don't hold the item back until your child touches the symbol. The difference between a temptation and a demand is entirely in how you respond.

One mother I worked with moved her son's cereal box to a shelf he could see but not reach. She had been showing him "want" at meals for two weeks. The next morning, he saw the cereal up high and turned to look at her. She pointed to "want," said "want cereal," and got it down. That evening she told me, "He looked at the board. He didn't touch it yet, but he looked at it." Within three weeks, he was touching "want" before she reached for the cereal.

What about the hard moments? (Functional Communication Training, done differently)

Many hard moments are a child communicating the only way that has worked for them. When throwing gets a child out of a task, the throwing is doing a job. A cleaner signal, like "break" or "not that," can do the same job. When that signal works right away, the child no longer needs the harder one.

That idea comes from Functional Communication Training, first described by Edward Carr and V. Mark Durand in 1985. The idea holds up. The older way of carrying it out has real problems:

• It often leaned on ignoring the hard behavior. A review of 41 cases of self-injury found that this approach (called extinction) led to bursts of the behavior or new aggression in nearly half of them (Lerman, Iwata and Wallace, 1999).
• It often held back what the child wanted until they produced the right response, which turns communication into a test.
• It mostly stayed in clinics. A 2021 review of 208 studies found strong evidence that FCT works in research settings, but much weaker evidence for home, school and community life (Ghaemmaghami, Hanley and Jessel, 2021). A 2025 review of studies in natural settings found that only 4 of 34 checked whether the new signal carried over to new situations (Blair, Park and Risse, 2025).
• The old behavior often came back when "yes" turned into "not yet".

In Silence to Signals, we do it differently. The new signal is shown in calm, everyday moments, long before it's needed. Your child's signal is honored right away, in whatever form it comes. And nothing is held back to make them prove it.

So model "break" when you see the early signs, before your child needs to ask. Tap "break," say "break," and give the break right away. If your child glances toward it, reaches for it or makes a sound while looking at it, treat that as the request and honor it. When your child signals "break," they're showing you they're reaching their limit and need a short rest.

Your child's "no" is communication too, so put "stop" and "not that" on the board alongside "more" and "want."

Share two rules with the other adults in your child's day: honor any try at the signal right away, and never turn the signal into a demand, like "use your break." A signal that only works some of the time is hard for a child to trust.

What if it isn't working?

• A temptation keeps leading to distress. Your child may need more time seeing the word first. Go back to simply showing it for another week. Also check that the item is something your child truly wants.
• You're reaching thirty models a day but your child isn't looking toward the symbols. Look at when you're modeling. Models during activities your child doesn't enjoy, or when they're already getting upset, do much less. Move more of them into the calm, favorite moments.

Frequently asked questions

Do I need a speech device to do this?

No. A board in the kitchen, a page of pictures or a card at the table works. The words need to be there, and you need to show them often.

Will showing my child symbols get in the way of speech?

Research consistently shows that AAC (pictures, boards and devices) does not suppress speech. For children with emerging speech, it often supports speech by reducing frustration and helping with regulation. The two can grow together, and there are no prerequisites for starting.

How long before I see a change?

In the cereal story, the first sign was a look at the board the very next morning, and touching "want" came within three weeks. Write down what you notice. A look counts.

Is a communication temptation the same as making my child ask?

No. In a temptation, your child's signal is received in any form, and the need is met right away. You show the word as you respond, but you never hold the item back until the symbol is used.

Watch the training

Your next step

Pick two routines this week: one meal, and one play or self-care routine. Choose three core words for each. Offer at least two choices a day, one at breakfast and one while getting dressed. Notice the signal, touch the symbol, say the word, meet the need, and pause. Keep a rough count, and write down what you notice.

If you'd like help with the moments that are hardest right now, my free guide walks you through the transition signal, the one your child sends right before their hardest moment, so you can step in while it's still quiet.

Dr. Catherine C. Acotto, PhD, CCC-SLP